MASTI JOKES- CHUTKULE - LAUGH HEALTH KE LIYE - ggstarhealth

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Thursday, April 18, 2019

MASTI JOKES- CHUTKULE - LAUGH HEALTH KE LIYE

MASTI JOKES- CHUTKULE - LAUGH HEALTH KE LIYE


Papa: Pappu Beta, teri Mummy aaj itni chup kaise baithi hain?
Pappu Bola:
Kuchh nahin papa
Mummy ne Lipstick maangi thi…
Maine…
Maine Fevistick de di
Papa: Jug jug jiyo mere laal.. Bhagwan aisa beta sabko de
=========================================

“Seedhi Baat No Bakwas”
Pappu: Dekho.. Main Chahe Jaisa Bhi Hoon..
Par Baccha Ek Dum Sunder Hona Chahiye..
Wife: Dekho Ji.. Choice Is Yours.. Baccha Yaa
Toh Sunder Hoga Yaa Aap Ka Hoga
=========================================

Son came late…
Mom: beta kaha gaya tha..??
Beta: – Mom movie dekhne gaya tha.
Mom: Beta Kaunsi..?
Beta: MAA KI MAMTA
Mom: Ja beta upar ja nayi film lagi hai.
Beta: Maa , kaunsi..?
Maa: BAAP KA KEHAR
=========================================

Phone rings at night…
Husband: If its for me, then say I am not at home!
Wife (on phone): He is at home…
Husband (in anger): What the HELL??
Wife: SHUT UP, It was for ME!!
=========================================

A Boy and a Girl were walking on the road..
They found a 1000 Rupees Note on the road
Girl : what to do with this money now?
Boy : lets take 50-50
.
.
.
Girl: Okay but baaki ke 900 Rs ka kya karenge ?
=========================================

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha… Ayodhya

TT : Ticket hai?

Sadhu : Nahin

TT : Chalo

Sadhu : Kahan?

TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein.
=========================================

Kapil Sharma and a Girl were standing on a Bus Stop
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Lipstick
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Top and Jeans
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Earrings
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Aur to aur Nice Necklace
Girl: Thank you So Much BHAIYA…
Kapil: Kamaal Hai, Itni saari acchhi cheezein, Phir bhi tu Bhootni Lag rahi hai… !!
Ladka: I love you <3 Ladki: Sorry, Main kisi aur se pyar karti hoon… Ladka udas ho gaya 🙁 Fir achanak bhagne laga aur bola . Teri mummy ko bataunga ... Ladki: Ruk ja kamine, Main to mazaak kar rahi thi… I love you too <3 :-p
A Gujarati Bhai & Chinese in a train.
=========================================
 
A cockroach enters.
Chinese catches it & eats it!
Another cockroach enters.
Gujju catches & asks d chinese: Kharidega?

Wife:
Jab Tum Desi Sharab peete Ho To Mujhe Paaro Kehte ho
Beer Peete ho To Darling…
Par Aaj Bhootni kyun kaha…?
.
.
Husband:
Aaj maine SPRITE Pee hai
=========================================

“Seedhi Baat No Bakwas”
Pappu: Dekho.. Main Chahe Jaisa Bhi Hoon..
Par Baccha Ek Dum Sunder Hona Chahiye..
Wife: Dekho Ji.. Choice Is Yours.. Baccha Yaa
Toh Sunder Hoga Yaa Aap Ka Hoga
=========================================

Ladki wale(ladke se): Beta kya kerte ho…?
Ladka: jee, Chief administrator Hun.

Ladki wale (khush hokar): Kaun si company mein beta…?

Ladka: WhatsApp per 2 Groups aur Facebook per 3 Pages ka Admin hun..
=========================================

Mom – Pappu Beta.. Haath jal gaya,
jara Tooth paste lana..
Pappu – Nahin maa,
Mere tooth paste me namak hai,
Duniya wale sochege,
Bete ne Jale pe namak chhidak diya…
=========================================

2 dost jungle mein ja rahe the,
Jab raat ho gayi to wo dono raaste mein hi Tent laga ke so gaye.
RAAT ko 1 dost ki aankh khuli..
Usne doosre ko jaga ke kaha
Aasman ki taraf dekh ke bata tujhe kya nazar aata hai?
2nd : Bahut saare sitare..
1st : Isse kya pata chalta hai?
2nd : Aasman khubsurat hai..
1st : Abey Newton ki aulad Tent chori ho gaya hai…! 😛
=========================================

Kanjoos baap ke bete ne kaha:
Papa meri GF pregnant ho gayi hai. 50,000 mang rhi hai, Chup rehne ke.
Kanjoos ne khamoshi se paise de diye.
2 mahine baad dusra beta bola: Meri GF pregnant hai 75,000 mang rhi hai
Kanjoos ne khamoshi se de diye.
6 mahine baad Kanjoos ki kuwari beti boli: Daddy, I am pregnant.!
Kanjoos ne usko gale se lagaya aur beti ka maatha chum ke kaha: Shabaash beti, ab paise lene ki baari hamari..
=========================================

Bacha:- Bhagwan kare teacher ki zuban cut jaye. Roz roz daant ti hai.
Next day zuban cut gayi..
Bacha :- Bhagwan kare master ka hath toot jaye. Tang karta hai… bahut marta hai.
Next day master ka hath toot jata hai…
Bacha :- Bhagwan mere BAAP ko utha le… Bahut marte hai.
Next day baap ghar aate hain,
Bacha :- Papa apko kuch nahi hua ??
Baap :- Nahi kyon?
Bacha :- Maa kahan hain…??
Baap :- Pados me Sharma uncle ki Death ho gayi hai, wahan Gayi hai..
=========================================

Ek Kamina Bachha apni Toy Train se khel rha tha aur Bar-Bar bol raha tha,
Jis HARAMI ko chadna hai chad jao…
Jis KAMINE ne utarna hai utar jao…
.
Aise bolta dekh, Uske BAAP ne uski train rok ke, usko ek zor se thappad laga diya !!
.
Bachha thodi der rokar chup ho gaya aur fir shuru ho gaya,
Jis HARAMI ko chadna hai chad jao…
Jis KAMINE ne utrna hai utar jao…
Pehle hi kisi KUTTE ki wajah se Train 10 min late ho gayi hai..!!
=========================================

Ek ladka ek ladki ko cafe mein akele baitha dekh kar ladki ki table par gaya aur kaha:
ladka: kya main aap ke saath baith sakta hoon?
Ladki (Chillai): nahin, main aaj raat tumhare saath nahin guzaar sakti… !
sab log dekhne lage….. ladka sharminda ho gaya..
kuch der baad ladki uske paas gayi aur maafi mangi aur kaha: Main HUMAN NATURE ke upar study kar rahi hoon aur padh rahi hoonke log sharminda ho kar kya mehsoos karte hain…
Ladka (Chillaya): What…?? 10 Hazar ek raat ke bahut zyada hain, kuch kam karo yaar…
Sab log ladki ko dekhkar hasne lage. .
Aur phir ladka aahista se bola: Ab kar Study HUMAN NATURE pe
=========================================

How fast can you fill the words?
1) S _ X
2) _ _ NDOM
3) F _ _ K
4) P _ N _ S
5) PU _ S _
6) BOO _ S
Now scroll down:
.
.
.
.
.
Answers…
1. Six
2. Random
3. Fork
4. Pants
5. Pulse
6. Books
 =========================================

How many did u get correct?
May God forgive your evil thoughts if u had different answers!

Bacha maa se –
Mom ye pregnant kya hota hai
Mom ne gusse se dekha toh wo samja ki gusse ko pregnant kehte hai…!!
2nd day bachcha school se aate hue
ek ladki ke upar gir gaya…!!
Ladki ki maa Chilla kar boli :
Ye kya badtameezi hai???
Bacha bola:
Gira teri beti ke upar hoon Aur pregnant tu ho rahi hai..!!
=========================================

Ek pinjare mein kuchh Tote (parrots) ek Toti ko chhed rahe the..
Jabki doosre pinjare mein Ek tota pooja aur Dusra Tota Namaaz padh raha tha!
Malik ne socha: Kitne nek tote hain, Inke pinjare mein toti surakshit rahegi.
Usne toti ko nek toto ke pinjare mein daal diya.
To pooja karne wala tota namaaz padhne wale tote se bola…
“Utho miyaan Dua kabool ho gayi!”
=========================================

A man received message from his neighbor..
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night,
I am using when you are not present at home,
Infact I am using more than YOU are using,
I confess this because now I feel very much guilty,
Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!!
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another message…
Sorry Sir spelling mistake… it’s not wife but wifi !!
=========================================
Saas – Bahu Ke Jhagde Mein suddenly…
Saas: I Have Carried Him For 9 Months.
Bahu:
Only 3.5 Kgs Na?
I Carry Him Every Night & he is 90 Kgs Now… Baat Karti Hai !!!


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