COMEDY HEALTH JOKES - CHUTKULE - COMEDY -3 - ggstarhealth

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Thursday, July 26, 2018

COMEDY HEALTH JOKES - CHUTKULE - COMEDY -3




31.

Man: Hi, do you want to dance?
-
Woman: Yeah, sure!
-
Man: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your pretty friend!



32.

I’m selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.


33.

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space? 
-
To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!" 

"What is the problem?" 
-
"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"


34.

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" 

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"


35.

“You are so kind, funny and beautiful.” 

“Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.” 

“And smart, too!”

36.
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.” 




37.

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common? 
-
A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.



38.

Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “

Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”


39.
I thought I’d tell you a good time travel joke – but you didn't like it.


40.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!


41.

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea. I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.


42.

“You are so kind, funny and beautiful.” 

“Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.” 

“And smart, too!”


43.

Knock, knock.
 
Who’s there?

The love of your life.
 
Liar! Chocolate can’t speak!


44.
A detective asks a woman, "So, your husband hanged himself?" Woman replies, "Yes, that is correct." The suspicious detective continues, "But why does he have all those bruises on his head?" 

"The old fool used an elastic rope!"


45.

Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.

"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?" 

-
"Go away! I'm crapping!" 


46.

Why don‘t cannibals eat divorced women?

Because they’re bitter.


47.

Q. What’s the worst thing about being lonely?

A. Playing Frisbee.


48.

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.


49.

I’m certain there are female hormones in beer. When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.


50

Patient asks his doctor: “Can I take a bath with diarrhea?”
-
Doctor: “Yes, if you are able to fill it up. “



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